Wednesday, August 22, 2007

OMG I am so tired!

And I mean really tired.
Sometimes when someone asks how you are doing, and you KNOW they dont really want to know how you are doing. 99% of people ask because that's what you do...you ask someone OH Hi, how Are you? they do NOT want to know that your feet hurt and your kids are making you crazy, you cleaned up dog puke all day because your dog ate the bird food and should not have...they dont want to know you have a To Do list as long as your arm and no time and discipline to get it all done...they dont want to know you are tired! Because they are tired too. That's what people really are in general. Tired. And sometimes when people ask, it's too hard to deny it. Im just TIRED.
Most of the time it's that Overwhelmed, sick of things being the same, didnt get enough done, have much more to do tired. The tired of being out and running all day, or of doing nothing because you were too tired to accomplish anything.
But I fondly remember being tired BTL which is translated Before This Life. And that was even before the Tired of College, when there was not enough sleep to be gotten before tests and assignments and exams and that doesnt even count the nights out which are part of college life. And that's Before the tired of Adulthood...the working all day, not home enough at night. The home all day with the kids cannot stand another minute of housework. The Homeowners's tired of constantly upkeeping and improving Home. the Working at home tired, when you never get to leave work because it's always here and just harder to get done because, since you are here, no one either respects the work you need to do, or there are just too many normal demands to get it all done.

the Tired I remember BTL was that "I've been active and done some work today" tired. I Really worked hard today tired. Or, "I did something all day without time to sit around and be sluggish" tired. It was constant BTL, I was tired all the time and never really did a whole lots of this "frustrated, getting nothing done but feeling like you did" kinda tired, which has no reward and doesnt feel nice at all. BTL I had earned being tired. We never stopped! We played all day and half the night, really played hard. not like kids play now. Or Riding the horses all day, cleaning up after and around them, cleaning them, spending time with friends. Even once we had jobs, we ran from fun to job to fun to working and filling all the time with something busy and constant. At night we went to bed exhausted and slept all night. I cannot remember the last time I slept all night. cant for the life.

So today, I am feeling some of that same tired as BTL. we were active from dawn (6 am) til almost now. We got up and went to the Ex before 8. Taylor showed her calf, Scott showed, I watched the kids and followed and entertained them and walked and walked and walked. And when the kids were fighting enough and tired enough we got tired of it(that's DTL tired stuff...During This Life sort of tired) and we took them home only to have them run off to a neighbor's to play so we cleaned up some and caught up on what we have neglected over the past 3 days...then it was right back out to Baseball for Taylor's team. By the time we dragged sorry butt home, and packed up Taylor to go away for the night, Im feeling BTL tired.

And it doesnt feel too bad at all.

Tomorrow will return to that "I dont have enough time for this To Do list" tired. Tonight I hope to sleep the sleep of BTL.

1 comment:

AliP said...

I totally get the BTL tired thing. I need my naps just from the frustration, overwhelmedness, and bickering. Not because I get anything done, oh no, not from that. More to the point I DO get things done but DTL you can't frigging TELL that anything got done. Dishes? Done but oops heres more. Dusting? Laundry? Vacuuming? Done done and done but wait a second whats this I see?
For this we have chocolate.